Forrest Ye's Blog

Connecting the dots

Rainy Day

I never learnt to handle rainy days well.

Woke up in the morning after a late night’s work, only to find it raining outside, like today.

Check the time, looks like I’ve already got 8 hours of sleep. But I don’t feel energized, or fully recharged like I should. Not at all. The colors outside the window are not right: instead of a bright blue sky, white clouds, green lawn and trees, everything is gray. Colorless. No happy kids running around, no dogs or cats chasing each other, no birds singing and dancing with enlightenment. Silence.

The lower temperature, the lack of energy in the air, the dim light, the monotone of raindrops falling make me feel grumpily at ease. But I don’t want to rest, I want to sit at my desk working. I don’t come to this world to just stay lying in bed, I am here to make a dent in the universe.

I find myself lack of appetite. I should’ve forced myself to eat more this morning.

Storm is much better. Staying inside during stormy weather makes you feel happy, because you are glad that unlike other creatures out in the wild, you have a nice shelter with eletricity and hot water to keep you safe. It makes you feel strong.

But on rainy day I feel weak. And I hate feeling weak.

I decided to get out and go for a walk in the nearby Century Park, and it turned out to be a bad decision. It only makes me feel smaller and weaker. How can you feel stronger as a man by being forced to walk a long way in the tall trees, without man-made concrete buildings insight in this cold, dark and damp afternoon?

I rushed back home to a big cup of hot tea.

Maybe I should just learn to pay more attentions to weather forecasts?

But even if I know it is going to rain, what am I going to do about it?

I don’t want to be controlled by weather, or other people, or anything. I don’t want to be controlled at all.

So next time I woke up to such weather, I shall force myself to leave my bed immediately, get the music of my morning playlist playing out loud, turn on as many lights as possible, make myself a cup of hot chocolate + coffee and take a hot shower. It shall do the trick.

You can try, but you will never defeat me.